The IUI took place unexpectedly before we left for Hawaii. We were hopeful. Filled with excitement and happy that we could be in Hawaii while we prayed that a bun began cooking in the oven. We had great plans on how we would tell our families that we were finally pregnant. Nobody but a select handful of people knew...not even our parents. We were thrilled that this could actually be a surprise.
It failed.
My heart sank when the nurse called. "Hi this message is for Michelle. We got your lab results back. It came back negative. I'm so sorry!" She continued on with next steps for us to take. Dallin and I looked at each other with sad eyes and no words. I was full of unexplainable emotion. I really didn't know what to think. What was next for our family? Would this ever work? Am I sad? Am I frustrated? How did it NOT work? Isn't that all we needed? Just a little bit of help?
Two days later I went in to start the process all over again. We feel like our life is a little bit on repeat...you know like that one movie? Get an ultrasound, take meds, give shots, get more ultrasounds, wash, rise and repeat. How grateful we are for modern day technology and medicine and the blessing that we are able to use these means to help us get our family here to earth.
During this all we have been so blessed by friends and family who will send notes, cards, text messages and Facebook messages JUST to say that they are thinking about us. This has meant more to me than anything! I truly feel that people are inspired to let us know that we are in their thoughts and that they are just thinking about us.
Last Tuesday we found out that our IUI did not work. The next morning I woke up to a text saying "Laying in bed saying my morning prayer and you came to my mind...prayers for you and your hubby and the trials you are battling. Hugs!" That was nothing short of divine intervention and inspiration. I am so grateful that my dear friend could be my angel that day. I sure needed it and she had no idea that I had just gotten devastating news that the IUI did not work. I KNOW that our Heavenly Father is aware of Dallin and I. He loves us both and that was a simple reminder that he has not forgotten nor forsaken us. How grateful I am for that tender mercy.
Tonight was no different. I have a friend from BYU-Idaho. We had some classes together and did a big research paper together. She is DARLING! We graduated, went our separate ways, became Facebook friends and recently reconnected. She and her sweet husband are also going through the pain and trial of infertility. Go check out their blog and help them get their miracle babies here! Tonight she sent a message. Just to say that she was thinking of us and hoping that our procedures are going well. How sweet and completely thoughtful. Once again, a tender mercy. This weekend we have our 2nd IUI cycle. She had no idea that her message was very timely and a much needed reminder.
I have a lot to learn and I hope that I can follow the spirit and promptings that I receive to reach out to someone. I have been told multiple times that I will be a support and help to others going through infertility. I hope that I have been somewhat of a help, whether great or small, to someone, somewhere. Whoever you are, I love you. Heavenly Father loves you. I am here for you and know that a miracle will happen, because The Lord does not break his promises.
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